Of Structured Lives and New Beginnings

After a recent visit to my doctor, I was shocked to hear the nurse say as she was weighing me that I tipped the scales at 197 pounds. 197 pounds! I have NEVER been that heavy! Now, it should have come as no surprise to me inasmuch as I had recently purchased several pairs of pants that were snug at a 35 inch waist, but to hear it put in terms of pounds... I had gained nearly 16 pounds in the last four months!

Later that day, upon returning home, I did what I think many people do when they come to such realizations. I shed my clothing and faced the mirror.

Good GOD! I looked like a friggin' TOAD! Slumped shoulders, sagging pectorals, bloated belly and skinny-assed legs with knobby knees. I seemed hideous to myself!

Now, I have to admit that for most of my life I have accepted the fact that I am one of those many people that look much better with their clothes on than with their clothes off. No big deal. It wasn't as though I felt repulsive in my birthday suit or anything, I just was not Greek godlike in my body structure. I was far beyond that now. The clothes couldn't even hide the tire around my belly. I would never want to look at myself in the raw. (I thought about using the phrase "in the buff," but there ain't anything buff about me!)

So. I have just turned 47 years old and I'm out of shape and I'm feeling unattractive. Gee. I wonder what's going on?

Whatever the real problem is I know the solution. Join a gym.

I called around town, I looked in the phone book, I got on the internet and did search after search after search. Finally, I narrowed the list down to four possibilities. One was close to home and had a branch near where I work. It is also open 24 hours a day. Two have pools and specialize in "family" health but far from where I live. One is in the fashionable part of town and has all new equipment and is a tad more expensive - I bet the people there are equally as expensive. I guess the first one is the best choice, though I wish it had a pool. I decide to go in to talk with them.

I fill out a form, answered questions about my goals and then got shuffled off to speak with a membership representative. Nice enough fellow. Not freaky muscular but fit. Dreadlocks and a polo shirt. Hmmm.

I got a tour of the facility. Pretty nice I suppose. I met a few of the staff members. One guy was huge. Big ol' muscles. Very friendly.

Took a look at the prices. Not bad I suppose. I can afford it. I told them I would think about it.

I went home and started surfing the web again, this time looking at "body building" and "muscles." Wow. Now, there are some really freaky looking people out there! I don't want to look like that.... or do I?

...hmmmm.....maybe....hmmmm.....

Hey! I'm forty freakin' seven years old! Then again, I've made it this far in my life, I've accomplished all sorts of things that others might have thought were impossible, why not putting on some good lookin' muscle? Why not be able to use the word buff when describing myself? I mean, what would it take? Start reading the info on the web sites. Go out and buy a few "muscle mags."

Ouch.

I never would have thought that the culture of health and body building would be so complex! Percentages of lean muscle mass, body fat; ratios of carbs to proteins... testosterone levels! Then there are all the different exercises and the terminology involved: sets, reps, extensions, to failure!

I realized fairly quickly that there is a complex and somewhat exclusive culture that has developed around health, fitness and getting huge, freaky and ripped! It is a highly structured lifestyle where knowing exactly how many calories one is consuming, available from what types of foods, their nutritional components and their synergetic effects on one another is just one facet of the elusive jewel of the exercised elite.

So, do I really want to try this? It would mean actually living on a schedule, eating on a schedule, keeping records of calorie counts and number of weighted squat thrusts and how many times I've gone to the can. Hmmmm......

I began to make out a list of my daily activities. I opened up a spreadsheet on my computer and started to make a chart...day by day in 30 minute intervals. Up at 5 a.m. to bed by 11 p.m. (does that allow for enough sleep? Sleep is essential in the effective building of muscle mass!)

Now, I have to factor in everything....walking Max, going to work, 6 measured meals a day at proper intervals, house work, shopping, laundry, visiting the folks...and, oh, work out time -- at least 90 minutes 5 days a week. And there is yard work, studio time (for the art work) and home computer time (for the web site and self promotion...like writing this blog, for instance) and a whole host of other seemingly necessary things.

The result? Still not enough hours in the day. So I shaved my head.