Green Grass

[This post is actually from a new blog on a "Yahoo 360" page that I'm experimenting with. I may post the link here soon...SD]

Once again I have been reminded that the grass is often greener on the other side of the fence. There is, no doubt, a lesson here. And, as it is with such lessons, we may be able to recite the page from the chapter book verbatum, but to integrate its message, its meaning and its essential reality into our own thought-free behaviors is another story altogether. These lessons cannot be book learned but must be absorbed by the soul. And they often take a lifetime to realize and incorporate.

Yet another fine argument for the transmigration of souls.

So, what are the particulars of this lesson of the greener grass? In this instance, finding the perfect partner. Are all the good ones (the ones that I would want) in another city? Does one sell off all of ones tables, chairs, rugs and boxes of books so that one might chase this (perhaps) mythical being? When does one know when the grass is changing color, and if one discovers that the hue has become richer in the lawn being left behind, does one torque oneself 180 degrees and go back?

Does one wait where one is, in the gloaming silence, alone with only lustful, untempered illusions masquerading as thoughts, and pray that he manifests right in front of you, hand outstretched in friendship, offering the potential for adventures in eros, agape and lessons learned together?

I sit on the lawn, the knees and butt of my jeans stained by the grass, and twiddle my thumbs, waiting.

New Life

So, the realtors are doing their job and the house is being shown several times a week. With each showing the reality of the situation becomes more and more apparent. I'm gonna have to move! (Oh, let's rephrase that: I'm gonna GET to move! Yeeee HAAAW!)

Because of this ever-opening flower of revelation, I am coming to terms with the clutter that I have amassed through the last several years. I have so much stuff it isn't funny. Actually, it is funny. Why on earth is there a paperclipped stack of grocery store receipts in a box full of old, warped cassette tapes sitting in my storage room? Why? For what earthly reason did I clip a newspaper article about a local diaper factory nine years ago and decide it was worth keeping? Why did I videotape the entire run of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" back to back with "Babylon 5" - why?

And look at all of these OTHER videotapes.....and I have a computer that can transfer the video tapes to DVD..... hmmmmm.....

So, guess what I did? I went to the store, bought a bunch of blank DVDs and started playing with the video to DVD transfer gizmo on my laptop. Now, my VCR is old and not so happy, but I think I can get a better one for not too much money. When I'm done with the transfers I can sell it at my garage sale. Yeah.... Now, I'm not thinking that those "Lois and Clark" episodes will get transferred - they were recorded at EP, not very nice to look at these days, and anyway, that's a lot of transferring to do! But I found a videotape of me playing solo guitar at a local nightclub back in 1991. An old science fiction movie is being projected behind me and, man - it's pretty damned good! Somewhere there is a video of the last Duration concert - Duration was a band I was in during the mid 1980s. We were pretty strange. Our shows tended to make people drink a lot. There was Robert, the keyboard/guitar player who looked so much the emaciated pale skinned euro-rocker part - and when he wore red lipstick he seemed oh-so-wonderfully 80s. Some people had heard that there was a fag in the band, and thought it was him. There was me, the real gay guy, who just looked like I hadn't had a good meal in a week or two. I was the guitar player. Then there was Kathy, our drummer. She looked normal. There were rumors that she took off her shirt when she played, so we got a huge lesbian following. She only took off her shirt during practice, though. Sorry, ladies. - But there is a videotape of that concert somewhere...damn it would be cool to have THAT on DVD!

Now, there will be no illegalities going on here - I'll only be copying videotapes that were home produced, like the music shows and those oddball art events from the early 80s. The upshot is that I'll be able to get rid of a lot of these old videotapes and lighten my packing load plus, I'll be offering new life to some of these relics from my past.

Please, allow me this time to sit on this virtual curb, head in hands, and muse pensively over a life lived thus far....

Happy New Year

Just a fast post to wish all of you who really do read this thing a Happy New Year! I've actually got a lot so say but no time to say it! Damn this change of life situation! I have yet to really get that final room cleaned up and the clutter is starting to spread again in the rooms that I have bulldozed through!

Max is doing fine. He likes the cool weather and has enjoyed having Pa around to take him for long walks these last two weekends.

Brokeback Mountain is finally showing in St. Louis and Kansas City, so I'm thinking that I will try to see it next weekend. If I can get Grandma and Grandpa to puppy sit for me that is.

I will try to write a proper post some time soon. Until then, be happy, be safe, be.